my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
