Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
