Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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