He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
