Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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