hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
