I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
