Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
