She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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