Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
