Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
