I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
