He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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