How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
