I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
