Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
