and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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