You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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