she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
