Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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