they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
