I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize