my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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