I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
