love makes seman taste better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
