What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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