I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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