you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
