6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
