I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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