I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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