i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
