so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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