she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
