Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
