We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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