i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
