chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.