ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.