He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.