But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What's dad's email?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.