Will you blow on my dice?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard