Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
