I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
