I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
