Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
