Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
