we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
