So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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