Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
