Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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