I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
