so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
