It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
