WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
