my mouth tastes like poor choices
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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