I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
