there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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