She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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