I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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