I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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