BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
