You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
