This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
