he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
