He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
