Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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