Your face is a jimmy john
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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