It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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