I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
