then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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