I accidentally burped into my bong.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
