I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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