While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
